You simply represent your own family as your conscience demands. If, indeed, that's the case, then your original answer - refuse those gifts - is the entire answer. That this apparently hasn't happened is a hint that your brother isn't an anti-social outlier but, instead, just an extreme manifestation of general family dysfunction. The people who allow it to happen, year after year, become the real story. Sometimes he has made a point of inviting all the kids to "help" him at his car, then giving gifts to just a couple while asking the others: "What do you think of that? Pretty nice, huh?"ĭear C.: When someone's bad behavior is that jaw-dropping, the bad actor stops being the main problem. This brother is an obnoxious, racist boor, yet one sister and brother insist on inviting him. We are all past the stage of doing anything to change his obnoxious behavior, but what should be the reactions of the parents? In the past, if my children received gifts in front of those who didn't, we politely refused them. The problem isn't about not having the money or not having time to give gifts to those he prefers before the rest of the family arrives. The nieces and nephews are as young as 2 and up to 20-plus. Dear Carolyn: The holidays are approaching again, and I have a brother who will give gifts to some nieces and nephews in front of those he is trying to snub.
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